What in the world?

[MsTeeBird]

So many times I spend helping other people and their children but my own has gone unnoticed and has not had enough attention. she is 8 and is growing rapidly. I was sitting here thinking of how upset I am at myself for the latest behavior she has shown at home and now at school. Down right outrageous!!

Today she cheated on a test. Her reason for doing so... to please her mother? What is that about? What was she thinking? and the way it happened... how could an 8 year come up with this kind of thinking? I am so upset with myself because I have been so focused on my one year old that my 8 year old feels neglected and is looking for boundaries and structure. All of which I am not giving her. So many people say I am not disciplining her correctly and they are right.

I have been letting her get by and when My hubby points it out my get into an argument. What? Am I missing the point? I am a strong believer in the adversary and I know that he is throwing me off key, my daughter off key and causing havoc and strife between my hubby and I. The adversary's mission: cause division, strife, kill my confidence in parenting, steal my daughter's confidence that she can do all things through Christ that strengthen's her and destroy the strong parental unit in our home. So far he is doing his job. but I am wayyyyyyyy stronger than that. I know that if I look to the hills from which cometh my help and my help cometh from the Lord.

I placed her on punishment, a month with no Ipod, no tv and no nintendo DS. After awhile, with the punishment sinking in .. he said we need to change the punishment ; offering if she can get high scores on quizzes and good behavior in class her punishment can be shortened. I liked it. I am going to talk to her teacher about it.

Wow.. the wiles of parenthood.

[Dae]

Girl I have an 8 year old too and WHEW!!!! Father help me. Don't be so hard on yourself. She made a mistakes, that's all and you let her know that it's not going to be tolerated when you put her punishment...then you showed her grace when you said if you can do better I will shorten your punishment. I have done the same thing. I don't tolerate lying and I have showed my wrath in the past when I've caught her in one. She knows now and will make sure I know she is telling the truth. I also try to use my experiences from growing to help her see that Mommy was a kid too. At least you have judged yourself so you won't be judge that says that you are an open Mom who can see her faults and are really to work through them. That makes a good mom.

Peace
Dae

[Ms. Rene]

I am just getting around to getting back in the swing of reading my forums and I came across yours. Don't be hard on yourself. You're only human. What you went through, I have heard so many other go through similar situations. so you're not alone. Good thing is you recognized it right away. It's horrifying how you had to jump into gear, but the good thing is that it didn't go beyond cheating -- like stealing or something worse -- all for the sake of getting your attention. I only have on child and she's 14. I can tell you, when I had to take on a second job almost three years ago, when she was in her second semester of 6th grade, we really skid marked into a wall when she wanted to tell me in her own way that she didn't like me working a second job even though it was four nights a week. She decided to purposely fail three of her classes. And she was in advanced studies classes. Believe me, instead of her just coming to me and telling me how she felt, she didn't think I'd listen, so her failing her classes was an eye opener and when I asked her how could she do that, she said and I kid you not, "I don't want you working a second job." And I had worked a total of three different kinds of job from November of the previous year to mid February of that year. When she told me that, it was enough to quit the job. Her grades picked up considerably and she passed all of her classes by the end of that school year.

With punishing her, I had to realize, too, that I was letting her get away with some things like being defiant, not cleaning her room, missing homework assignments, I told her dad that he needed to step in and do his part of the parenting. He did and when she screwed up second half of 7th grade, we took away everything for two months. There was no shortening the punishment. No TV, computer, cell or house phone, iPod, video games...if it weren't for the fact she had to go to school, she wouldn't have seen outdoors. It was in the middle of the second month that she got a letter congratulating her for her outstanding in math and that she had been advanced to an higher level, that we gave her back only a 1/3 of her privileges. Everything else was based on her behavior at home and school, her performane in school, and her attitude.

I think if it weren't for my faith and belief in God, I think my temper would have taken a different turn with how she acted at school. And I think if it weren't for the fact that she's my all, and I love her more than life itself, I don't think I would have quit that second job. At that time I was only focusing on making it financially to the next month, meeting the bills on time and keeping a roof over our head that I lost sight of what was important -- my daughter. She's 14 now. About to be 15 in December. I tell her, if there's anything she thinks I've lost sight on, to not be afraid to tell me. And she has lovingly done so. We hold each other together. And I thank God for her every day of my life.

You will do just fine as a mother. We all make mistakes right on down to our kids. But as mom's we're only human. You did everything right as far as I'm concerned. And your husband can only love and appreciate you everything you do in all your efforts. God's always with you because I could tell that in what you wrote. You're strong and no one can take that from you.